I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just invented taco cereal.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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