why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
