She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
