i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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