By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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