Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
