He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
