Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
