you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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