What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
