My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
