Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
