every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
