I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
