I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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