it was like his penis was on wheels.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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