I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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