Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just pynch a tree in the face
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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