How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
did you just send me my own nude
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
