Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
