her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
