Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Houston, we have a squirter
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
