oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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