Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
