i just had sex bonerless
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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