hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Couch. On fire.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
