a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize