I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
