I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
