The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
