I skipped work to stalk him.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
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