Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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