How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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