Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
