I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
