I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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