She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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