She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
