I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
