So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
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