you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
