I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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