i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
