Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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