hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
