Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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