That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
