My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
