i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
