Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
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