new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
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