its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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