Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
