If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
