so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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