Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
