we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
