I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
