So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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