The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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