Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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