Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
