There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
