you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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