...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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