Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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