Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
