its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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