the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
babies were throwing up all over the place
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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