doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
