he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
