Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
